Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
