1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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