Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
