I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
