my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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