when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Rumble strips road head = magical
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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