We're like a lot better than the average bears
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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