if only i could text you this smell
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
