Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
