I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you never un-have a 4some
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
