Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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