dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
