Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
