my vag is so smooth its legendary
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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