my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
