I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
