who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
