that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
