and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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