Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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