I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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