True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
