I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So many bounce houses so little time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
