some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
