New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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