atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
