we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
