Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
