I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
