you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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