just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
