dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
