omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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