It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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