Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dick has a subreddit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
