she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
