So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
