so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
