Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
