somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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