we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
