Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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