So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
