hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
