went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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