We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
