I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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