it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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