Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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