I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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