I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
