I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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