plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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