all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
