Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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