remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
